Choosing a matchmaker.
Start with better questions.

Know the person behind the introduction.

Ask who conducts the first conversation, who considers possible introductions and who responds if you are unsure about a proposal. In a team service, those may be different people. What matters is understanding how your wishes reach the person making the decision.

Give one specific priority rather than a long wish list: perhaps having children, staying close to family or being able to spend time together across countries. Ask how it would be explored in a conversation, and what would happen if it conflicted with another preference.

In my service, I review applications and consider introductions personally. You can read about my approach before deciding whether you want to speak with me.

Ask what screening actually means.

The word ‘screened’ needs an explanation. Does the service speak with applicants live? What information does it ask about, and what does it verify independently? Ask what falls outside that review, too. Do not infer a background investigation from the existence of an interview.

At Mélih, a required live video conversation explores a person’s life, intentions and relationship plans before an introduction. It helps me put their application into context. It cannot guarantee someone’s future behaviour or how a relationship will develop.

Ask to see the sequence on both sides. For men here, preapproval comes before choosing a package and the required video call; final admission follows the call. The women’s application, interview and participation are free. Understanding both journeys is part of understanding the introduction.

Look for a reason, and room for uncertainty.

A useful explanation connects two people’s plans. Shared interests can open a conversation, but they do not answer questions about commitment, family or where everyday life could happen. Ask which parts appear compatible and which still need a discussion between you.

Consider this hypothetical example: you hope to live abroad together within a year, while the person being considered wants to remain near family for several years. Both may want a serious relationship. That shared intention does not resolve the different plans.

A useful question is: ‘How would you handle that difference before proposing an introduction?’ Listen for how the service would clarify the issue. A promise that everything will work out tells you less than an explanation of the questions still open.

You can also ask how the matchmaker responds when no suitable introduction is available. The answer should make the limits of the service clear, without turning a particular introduction date or a relationship outcome into a certainty.

Understand what you can ask, decline and share.

Before joining, ask what a proposed introduction contains, who can see it and when contact details are shared. Find out how to ask a question, decline a proposal or raise a concern after connecting. The other person should have a choice, too.

Here, a proposed introduction is private. Each person can consider it and ask a question before choosing whether to connect. Selected contact details are shared once both people agree. There is one pending or active pairing at a time.

If you want to understand how personal information is handled, read the privacy policy as well as the introduction steps. Bring any unresolved question to the person responsible before submitting information you feel uncertain about.

Take these questions into the conversation.

Tick a question when you have an answer you understand. Save the list with any points you want to discuss again. You can use the same questions when comparing more than one service.

Once the approach feels clear, compare the total fee, included support, start date and pause or refund conditions. Those payment questions have their own checklist in the fee guide.